Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A New Dialogue On Black Relationships

The Difference between males and Men, females and Women

The dialogue on Black relationships is inherently flawed due to the fact that the use of improper terminology has resulted in inaccurate analysis. Factor in the emotional aspect of the topic and Afrikans (African Americans especially) are immersed in repetitive diatribes that solve nothing. So such statements and lamentations as: "Men want women to submit to them", "Black women have attitudes", "All men are dogs", "Men do not want to commit", "women are emotionally unstable", “Black men ain’t shit”, “Black women are bitches”, “all men cheat” and others like them are examples of hurtful, misleading, false and potentially dangerous language.

The fundamental idea is this: there is a difference between a male and a Man, a female and a Woman. Historically Man means MIND, it is not a gender designation. Men and Women are IDEAS (with the understanding that the term "woman" must be redefined). Male and female are biological gender designations of the homosapien. This is beyond mere semantics because proper definitions will give one proper context and perspectives.

Taken beyond the biological reality, there are characteristics of males and females. Males and females are those people who are confined to their more base desires. These desires come by way of mis-education, generational dysfunction, mind control or a combination of these influences whether imposed externally from the environment or internally. Females and males live out their lives rising no higher than these imposed limitations of their being. This results in emotional immaturity, a lack of responsibility, a lack of discipline, a lack of spiritual development and a lack of mental acumen.

A Woman and Man are those females and males that have evolved beyond base existence into knowledge of self. These are the ones who have eliminated, controlled or minimized their negatives, vices or dysfunctions. Women and Men are the more mentally and emotionally healthy people (and can be physically but not necessarily all the time). Ultimately, Women and Men are on the way to manifesting their respective divine attributes. For Women, that being the Divine Feminine and for Men that is the Divine Masculine. Both are corresponding compliments of the dual faces of God consciousness.

The attributes of males are as follows: lacking integrity, dis-honest, senseless carnality, irresponsibility, fear based, ego-maniacal, anger issues, delusional, undisciplined, irrational emotions, ignorance, low self esteem, an overall lack of spiritual cultivation...

These negative male traits manifest in the following behaviors: Abusive (physical, verbal and sexual), addictions, cowardice, misogyny, machoist lack of emotions, obnoxiousness, easily manipulated, selfishness, inconsiderate, sexually deviant, greed, oppressive, domineering, victimization, materialism, jealousy, envy, spiritual disorientation, senseless violence, and spiritual vampirism, depression, self hate...

The following are the more destructive end results of these negative traits in males we see everyday: pimps, giggalos, leeches, drug dealers, drug abusers, rapists, sexists, pedophiles, herd mentality follower...

Some of the attributes of females are as follows: Low self esteem, depression, selfishness, egoism, conceit, anger issues, delusional, addictions, senseless carnality, self hate, lack of discipline, fearful...

These negative traits of females manifest in the following behaviors: vanity, helplessness, victim mentality, verbal, emotional and physical/sexual abusiveness, materialism, sexism, vindictiveness, arrogance, obnoxiousness, jealousy, greed, envy...

The following are some of the more extreme end results of these negative traits in females we see everyday: so-called “gold diggers” (although males are just as if not bigger gold diggers), followers or herd mentality, prostitutes, physical self mutilation, drug or alcohol addicts...

It should be noticed that males and females predominantly have the same negative emotional and mental issues however due to societal norms, at times these negatives are expressed differently. Also it must be noted that the behaviors and end results of each category are not indicative of all males and females but the extremes of each. At the least, most males and females are mere followers of their physical impulses and mind control. They’re all not evil or completely worthless. They are harmless, decent people but people who just have a myriad of issues and are in need of development.

Some attributes of MEN are: Integrity, courage, honesty, discipline (both mental and physical), intelligence, spiritual, empathetic, balanced, self love, humility...

These mental attributes of MEN manifest in the following behaviors: Introspection, (general) morality, empathy, forgiving, intellectualism, peaceful, loyalty, dignity, generosity, initiative, humbleness, responsibility...

Some of the roles in a society that MEN take up are: Fathers, husbands, builders, protectors, community representatives, business owners, law givers, revolutionaries, activists, artists, warriors, shamens, doctors, philosophers, scientists...

The attributes of WOMEN are: Intelligence, unconditional love, integrity, honesty, courage, nurturing, considerate, humility, empathetic, discipline (both mental and physical), self love, balanced...

These attributes in WOMEN result in the following behaviors: Humbleness, (general) morality, dignity, self reflection, generosity, forgiving, discipline, responsibility, loyalty...

Some of the roles that WOMEN take up are: Mothers, wives, community representatives, judges, artists, law givers, teachers, doctors, nurses (& midwives), social engineers, business owners, revolutionaries, activists, philosophers, sages, scientists...

One must understand that not all Men and Women are righteous perfect beings, many struggle with their negatives. The difference is Women and Men confront their issues and have the information, knowledge and courage to face their issues and eradicate them or control them. Women and Men have much more control over their negatives and thus can go through an issue or problem and come out of it healthier. Males and females will continue to not only wrestle with their issues, but they may not come out of their negatives with an answer....some do not come out at all.

If there is ever going to be a healthy dialogue between Black males/Men and Black females/Women it must start with love, honesty, respect and proper identification of all behaviors. Just as important there must be a hard analysis of the environmental factors that create or enables the myriad of our issues. This type of dialogue must take place between Women and Men or at least females and males wanting to evolve into Women and Men. All destructive titles and names such as “nigga”, “bitch”, “hoes”, “dogs”, “sluts”, “tricks”, etc must be absent in the dialogue for the utterance of these words out of their proper context will pollute the communication. This dialogue must be taken serious for this is a serious situation we are forced to deal with. The gender schism in our community threatens our ability to create healthy Afrikan families. Any and all future discussions directed at building a new paradigm of gender relationships in our community must be controlled and carefully directed. Meaning that those who do not wish to unite Afrikan people, or those who engage in negativity, divisiveness and destructive positions simply cannot participate. We need positive input, solutions and most of all healing, not side agendas and distractions.

The first and most important unity is between the woman and man.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010



I know my people. I know a lot about my people and there’s still much more to learn. I put this blog together mainly for Black females. First off, sisters can use this info to gauge the Black males in their lives as it pertains to relatives, sons, relationships, friendships and whatever. Brothers can also use this info to gauge their male relatives, homies and most of all themselves.

This list comes from a wholistic theme dealing with psychology, societal roles, economics, political realities and eventually mind control. The list is also generational, in that these types of brothers are more of a phenomenon of those born from the 60's to the 90's, the pre-Hip Hop and Hip Hop generation and beyond. Our parents and grandparents (who make up what Tom Brokaw called the Greatest Generation) and the generations from slavery and reconstruction more than likely have differing categories.

In the historical sense my list derives from John Blassigames Book “The Slave Community”. In that book the author describes the 3 types of slave males: the “Sambo”, “Nat” and “Jack”. In brief, the “Sambo” was the slave that conformed to slavery, “Nat” (named after Nat Turner) resisted oppression while “Jack” was for the most part a rarely moved combination of the two. For me that segment of Blassingames’ book was the foundation of the now infamous statistic of Black males. Everyone has heard of it, one-in-four black males are in the direct supervision of the criminal justice system. That statistic morphed into a later statistic of one-in-four black males are either dead, in jail or incapacitated (meaning non-marriage material due to drugs). When those stats came out I asked the question: “What about the other three Black males?”. It was then that I re-read and referenced John Blassingame’s book and came up with my own analysis.

My list is based on my experiences, observations, research and most of all an ongoing study of myself as a Black male.

1. The Criminal Element -
These brothers make up a fraction of the Black male population but with one look at the media, one would think this category of Black males make up at least 90% of all Black males. The first type is the so-called gang-banger, drug dealer. More often than not the flashiness of these individuals make them easy to point out. However based on the 2nd type of brother that identification may be difficult at times. These brothers are in and out of jail, for long or short periods. They usually come from broken homes or a single mother led family. More often they are fathers themselves and contrary to popular belief, there are many in this category that not only raise their children but live with the child and mother. These types of brothers may very well have other Black (and others) females impregnated. These brothers make up the dons, regions, captains, soldiers etc. of major street organizations and most are directly responsible for the deplorable state of the hood in regards to drugs and violence.

The other criminal element is the pimp, whose numbers are much smaller than one would think why with all the Black males out here claiming to be one. I’m referring to actual pimps. There is not much to say about these Black males other that they are a sub-category of the criminal element within the Black community. Their numbers have diminished over the years due in part to the higher rates of educated Black females and the drug game. Still there are those who hang on to this so-called “life” style to the bitter end.

2. The Male Bimbo or the Nothin’ Happenin’ Brotha -
This type of brother is exactly what the title reads, “nothin’ happenin’”. These brothers are the ones who are literally up to nothing. Literally. These brothers occupy the overwhelming majority of their time with video games or extreme weed use or pornography or a little bit (or a lot) of all these plus more. If these brothers go to college they spend several years going to a two year community college to earn an associates degree. These brothers hardly read and are not involved in anything of any progressive nature by way of self improvement. Thus everything they do is based on the most base rationales to fulfill superficial means, many of them don’t involve their lives in anything bigger than themselves.

These brothers are usually seen playing basket ball all hours of the day. The male bimbo/average/nothin’ happenin’ brother works various jobs although many can be unemployed. While that’s not tragic the time not spent on a job is NOT spent anywhere else. There are other male bimbo’s who involve themselves in some activities but these endeavor’s are never outside the box in terms of creativity, progressive thought, decency or common sense.

Since he cannot think for himself, the male bimbo/nothin’ happenin’ brotha merely follows every societal induced thought many times in stereotypical ways. In other words, the bimbo brother is more often than not the “wanna’ be”. He wanna’ be a rapper, he wanna’ be an athelete, he wanna’ be a player giggilo, he wanna’ be a baller etc. However some male bimbos actually become these things and they carry their empty mindedness into that particular field. Incidently the male bimbo/nothin’ happenin’ brother make up a very large segment of the Hip Hop artists. These are also the brothers who along with many of their criminal counterparts (another field that many male bimbo’s aspire to but have not the fortitude to endure) are directly responsible for the epidemic of single mothers in the hood. This is because in their “playa mack” mode their irresponsibility prompts them to drop out of sight when the egg and sperm combine and festers due to a broken condom or a plead to just “...let me put the head in...”.

There are male bimbo’s who stay with the girl they have impregnated yet their nothin’ happenin’ mind set creates a nothin’ happenin’ dysfunctional family. This is the brother that sits around and waits for his girlfriend to be his mother. Their baby needs attention, the girlfriend is overwhelmed with cooking and cleaning, the house is fucked up, the bills are over due and this male bimbo brother is sitting around watching tv, playing video games, with his boys playing basketball or at the strip club.

As stated in parentheses above some male bimbo-average brothas may delude themselves and thus try to delude others into thinking that they are some type of gangster. This is where a correct identification of the criminal element and the male bimbo becomes difficult for they both wear the same uniform and sound the same. Some male bimbos actually believe that if they talk it, throw up the signs and merely hang with so called “thugs” they are a gangster. Nothing could be further from the truth for the male bimbo doesn’t have the heart to commit a crime. Both the bimbo and the real criminal know that.

3. The “Good, Decent Black man” -
This brother is what many sisters call, the “good brotha”. He is employed and many times very well employed or they may be an entrepreneur. The “good/decent” brothas are law abiding, peaceful, some of them are college graduates and are responsible. They may even read a book or two (or in some cases three or four). Many of these brothers can be seen in church but mainly the mid size to larger churches. All these elements make this male a “good/decent brotha”. These brothers are the more responsible ones who actually are the heads of families. He raises his children and attempts to be a good husband/boyfriend to his woman. However upon more detailed analysis, there isn’t anything really spectacular about the “good/decent” brotha, it is just that in comparison to the criminal element and the bimbo/nothin’ happenin’ brotha, the good decent brotha is a god send. Usually the “good/decent” brotha is a former bimbo or criminal that has “seen the light” and turned their life around to become the “good/decent” brotha.

It must be noted here of a sub category of the “good/decent” brotha and is part of the reason for the quotes around the terms good and decent. This sub-category of brothers is the professional brother. And while the professional brother seems to be the end all be all cream of the crop in Black manhood, most professional brothers fall way short of this designation. The professional brother falls under the “good/decent” brother category due in part to society (and following society’s dictates, Black females) defining what “good” and “decent” is. Let’s be clear in the definition of “society”, I’m referring to those who run and own society, caucasians and in this case, caucasian males. The professional brotha works in the corporate or governmental sector or is an entrepreneur, he has a substantial income and conducts himself in every way to all that society deems high class. However as Shemar Moore stated in the movie “The Brothers”, these types of professional Black males truly believe they are the “cream of the crop” in terms of Black manhood. However erroneous that may be depending on what sista is doing the judging, some professional brothas are very decent and go out their way to do good for themselves and their people. That’s rare.

4. The Miscellaneous
What can be said about these brothers? They are the revolutionaries, isolationists, homeless, mentally/emotionally challenged, the extreme outcasts, nerds, geeks, geniuses or those brothers who fit no expectations of what “Black” is. Any Black male who is outside of society for whatever reason. This category encapsulates several types of brothers but due to the fact that these types of brothers do not have the demographic numbers high enough to match the previous 3 categories then they must be mixed in together as sub-categories of the miscellaneous element. The overall similarity of all the brothers in the miscellaneous category is that they are a question mark in regards to several factors. Are they marriage material? Can they function within society? What type of fathers would they make? What is their future? The people who would do the asking? Black females.

When I use the term revolutionary-seditionist I mean those terms in their purest, truest definition. Those who have dedicated their lives to the total liberation and independence of Afrikan people and or the destruction of the entire capitalist, white supremaced, global system or the total separation from said system. Based on that definition, one can see why these are in a very small minority, because as I have said many times before, there are very few truly conscious people and even less revolutionaries.

The isolationist and homeless are the brothers who have been defeated by society in such a totality that everything has been stripped from them. Even though they are not in jail, everywhere is a jail to them for their minds are totally segmented from everything. This is not to say that many of these brothers wouldn’t take the opportunity to improve their material situation, but based on either some inner flaw or society’s inequalities, many have not. What is severely overlooked is that while some brothers in this category revel in their lot in life there are some hidden geniuses among this demographic. There are truly miraculous and beautiful Black males in this category but their praises are unsung for they are overlooked by expectant, unlearned eyes.

Another aspect to the isolationists (and sometimes homeless) brothers is the fact that some or maybe many suffer from some type of mental/emotional illness. The mentally-emotionally challenged occupy a sub category of the miscellaneous because there are enough numbers of them either in mental hospitals, walking the streets and even within our families to varying degrees. Many of these brothers can be found in the other categories yet the fact that their mind has an extreme difference in varying ways they are deserving of their own sub-category. They may be those who have difficulty functioning in society in any capacity and thus they need assistance.

The isolationist brother also can be a victim of drugs and alcohol which puts them in the same jail cell as the criminal element. Although it is the opinion of this writer that drug addiction is a health issue, society deals with drug addicts primarily with incarceration. This list is reflective of how society has aided, even created the types of Black males. The addict can be seen in the hood as those brothers who occupy the streets during work and school hours. At 11:37 am one can see these brothers walking down the streets in the hood begging for change. Or they are just sitting around on milk crates, drinking beer and watching time pass away talking to others who are more than likely in the same condition he is in. That is if the drug addict isn’t in jail. There are levels of drug addiction, one of which is the functional addict, or the addict that can blend in and work relatively well while delving in drugs from time to time. But the brother I’m referring to here in this category isn’t functional. When he’s high or intoxicated he becomes highly disruptive or just a total non-issue.

Extreme nerds, geeks and outcasts round out the miscellaneous brothers for the simple fact that they are the invisible lot within the Black community. These brothers do not fit into any stereotype or norm as it relates to Black people. Because of that, the extreme aspect of this sub-category of brothers makes them too much of a stretch as it pertains to them being marriage material in the minds of many Black females. Many outcasts are so much of an outcast that they are rarely even in the confines of the Black community. Instead they may occupy other societal sub-cultures mainly populated by caucasians or other groups. The extreme nerds are either the geniuses that are snatched up by caucasians or move about the Black community totally invisible.

To sum it up

Well that’s all I can think of. If there are others that can maybe have their own category or sub category, then by all means relate them here for discussion. I did not include homosexual males because gay males canvass all 4 types of brothers and I haven’t done a count to figure if there is enough of them numerically to warrant their own category if that is even necessary. Homosexuals transverse all areas of life and while some are rather prominent with their sexual orientation, they still occupy an aforementioned category in some way or the other (even though they are not available to Black females). Also, professional males could be considered the 5th type of brothers for their lifestyle is different enough to be categorized by them selves but for now I place them as a sub-category of the “good/decent” brotha because in most cases, that is how they are viewed (despite the fact that some of these males marry outside their ‘race’). The categories are all divided by psychological mind-sets which determine these brothers position in life. However it must be noted that these types of brothers are under the direct and indirect control of the American economic, political, social and military-police system.

A point to this list, there is what I call over-lapping. By that I mean some Black males may be a combination of two, or more categories. An average, bimbo / nothin’ happenin’ brotha may be found in church with the “good brotha”. The revolutionary in the miscellaneous category may be a criminal based on whatever ideology he may propose. A nerd will hardly ever be found within the criminal element (unless they’re a certified super villain) but an outcast-extreme nerd can marry a sista and be the “good” brotha. It must also be noted that each category has both a benign and malevolent nature. In other words whether or not a brother beats his girlfriend or sends her flowers, his categoric position remains the same whatever that may be. There are good and bad brothers in varying degrees in each category.

Also there are pro’s and cons to each category of brothers. I could list them but then this blog would be an additional several pages and quite frankly I don’t feel like typing anymore. I will add an addendum to this blog in the near future but for now the pro’s and cons of each type of Black male can be up for discussion.

My Black sisters, when you look at a Black male remember this blog. But also realize that there are times when a brother will look like he’s in one category but they are really in a totally different one. So use insight and pay attention.

I have not compiled a list for sisters yet, but based on the male list, a female list will be similar. There are numbers of sisters that may be different enough to deserve their own category. In which case there may be one or two more categories of sisters than brothers. As soon as I can measure the population segments I can then make a determination based on the info I get.

Until then....Uhuru.